This revision is so disjointed. You start off with a lede about a woman fundraising for Puerto Rico who says that if she could she’d also raise money for the Dominica. Well why doesn’t she?  The whole lede sounds so forced, as if you found someone raising money for PR and then asked her about lesser known islands like Dominica.

For this story to really work you need a character or a church that’s raising money for Dominica, or trying to without much success. Then your nut graph wold say  how slow the efforts are because no one is paying attention to the tinier islands. Then you bring in the Town Hall meeting. Did you talk to other people there besides Fern Mann? Just one person? And what steps did the prime minister suggest? Much of your story is a rehash of the storm’s destruction.

If you stick to Millie Tirelli as your lede then your nut graph must state that Tirelli represents people who are fundraising for PR but are leaving Dominica behind. You tried, but it was muddled. Nor am I clear as to where she works, her age.

Think about the structure too. You jump back and forth. I think the story should have started with either an anecdote or a straight news lede about the lack of resources being sent to Dominica. Then your nut graph is about the tinier islands being overlooked because of their small immigrant populations in the U.S.

Then the following graphs include the town hall, remarks from the prime minister about next steps and several quotes from different people from the Dominica who attended the town hall and don’t know what to do. Then you could use the church in midtown as an example of resources going to PR instead of Dominica. What does the church recommend Catholics on these islands go for help?

There are too many reporting holes and structural problems for this story to post. However, please carefully read my notes so you understand how a story like this could have worked.

Alexis

Millie Tirelli has been raising funds for Puerto Rico since Hurricane Maria devastated the island. As the events coordinator of the hurricane disaster fundraisers at the Ellington Room inside a Manhattan Plaza resident building near Times Square. Though, she is currently not collecting funds for other Caribbean countries that have been affected by this year’s hurricanes, Tirelli, who resides in the resident building, felt that these islands are not receiving the recognition that they need. [This lede is so muddled. I thought your first draft said she was raising money for Dominica? Why use a character who is fundraising for Puerto Rico? ]

“I’m talking about Dominica, Barbuda – I’m talking about those islands,” said Tirelli. Because she is unable to collect needs for other islands at the moment, she “feel[s] bad about that,” she said.  “We may donate part of our money to [them].”

Tirelli, who has family in Puerto Rico, said that right now, her “concern is Puerto Rico.”

Amidst the post-Hurricane Maria feud President Trump and San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz, Catholic churches in Midtown West are gathering goods to help in the relief efforts for Puerto Rico. But the Commonwealth of Dominica, West Indies, another island that experienced acute damage by the storm isn’t getting helped much at all and Dominican immigrants living in New York are concerned the tiny island has been being forgotten.

“Dominica is barely being recognized in this instance,” said Fern Mann, who attended a town hall meeting held at Beulah Church of the Nazerene in Brooklyn on TK date, where the Prime Minister of Dominica spoke. Mann came in hopes to hear word from her diabetic mother and hypertensive father who lives on the island. “It doesn’t surprise me.” [What doesn’t surprise her? That the island is being overlooked? Were they giving status reports of loved ones at the town hall?]

More than 500 Dominicans who live in New York City gathered at Beulah Church of the Nazerene to hear what the prime minister had planned in terms of relief efforts. According to Sheldon Peters, the UN Consulate Agent for Dominica, “they are still a lot of places without water.”

One day before Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico as a Category 4 storm, it destroyed the majority of Dominica as a Category 5 hurricane at 155 mph . But the island’s lesser-known status hasn’t garnered the same degree of attention, and many are unaware that beyond Puerto Rico’s fight for survival, the tiny island of Dominica was nearly destroyed.

“Millions of people across the Caribbean, Mexico, and the United States and elsewhere are suffering and crying out for help,” said Dr. Roosevelt Skerrit, the Prime Minister of Dominica, who spoke at a town hall meeting. “Dominica runs the risk of being overlooked and bypassed.”

Often mistaken for the Dominican Republic, Dominica was deemed “the nature isle” prior to the storm, with a population of 74,000 people. The small island possesses 365 rivers; most of which were dried up with dirt and debris after the storm. Due to the island’s mountainous region, rivers flooded, sweeping away everything in their path including houses, crops, and bridges. Twenty-seven people were killed and more than two dozen are missing.

“A country with 365 rivers has no water,” said Prime Minister Skerrit. “I joke with people that I may be the only homeless Prime Minister in the world.”

Since the hurricane, 95 percent of Dominica has no electricity and clean water has not been restored to most villages and parishes.

More than 500 Dominicans who live in New York City gathered at Beulah Church of the Nazerene to hear what the prime minister had planned in terms of relief efforts. According to Sheldon Peters, the UN Consulate Agent for Dominica, “they are still a lot of places without water.”
[This detail should come where you first mention the town hall]

As relief comes into the country and some citizens remain homeless, many Dominicans are evacuating to other neighboring islands and leaving their homes behind.

“A lot of people are leaving,” said Peters. “Antigua, Trinidad, Grenada, Barbados – most of the Caribbean islands [have] opened up their doors.”

“Hurricane Maria has left Dominica in shambles,” said Lorren Bannis-Roberts, the United Nations Ambassador for Dominica, who accompanied the Prime Minister to the town hall meeting along with representatives of Cuba, Grenada, Saint Nevis and the Grenadines, and Barbados. “We have to start from scratch.”

New York City has a small number of West Indians, especially those who migrated from Dominica. There are “about 10,000 Dominicans” throughout the five boroughs, said Peters, which only makes up less than one percent of the city’s 8.5 million population. Most live in Brooklyn and the Bronx.

Generally, the amount of goods being collected is “based on the population that comes into the church,” said Peters. “Donation locations are usually in the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Queens.”

Many Caribbean islands are Catholic countries, including Puerto Rico and Dominica. The Church of St. Francis Xavier is one of the very few Catholic churches in Midtown West collecting supplies for the victims of Hurricane Maria, but collections have been limited to the victims of Puerto Rico. “Less than 10 percent” of members of the church are Hispanic, said Stephanie Fuentes, Assistant to the Pastor. Zero percent of the church’s population are Dominican.

Cassandra Agredo is the Executive Director of Xavier Mission, a non-profit organization at the church, and the founder for the Puerto Rican donation bin, [what is that?]. Agredo said that the church is collecting items that New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio “identified as being of the utmost priority” such as “diapers, baby food, first aid supplies, and batteries.”

“Our fundraiser was for Puerto Rico, as the devastation was so immense and the federal response so lacking,” said Agredo. “There is no particular reason the outreach wasn’t for Dominica, other than that the Mayor’s focus was specifically on Puerto Rico and so we joined in that particular effort.”

Despite the lack of relief recognition from Catholic churches in the city, Dominican natives within the Tri-State Area who have taken matters into their own hands and do their part to help out.

“We’re collecting toiletries, non-perishable foods, and donations,” said Chris John-Cuffy, who is from the the Dominican village of Colihaut and a participant in one of the many fundraisers being held in New Jersey for the island. “It hit us hard that our people are not getting what they need.”

As each day passes, the Prime Minister of Dominica updates the UN on the issues aligned with the storm’s aftermath or the progress being done on a daily basis. According to the UN News Centre, more than “metric tons of food” along with other supplies have been delivered to the country since the hurricane.

“Conditions in Dominica are bad,” said Prime Minister Skerrit. “But we will manage the situation and we will overcome that situation.”